Although this is a prologue to my novel, it reads like a standalone short story about a life-changing choice a teen girl is about to make.
PROLOGUE
Toronto, Canada
March 3, 1994
“Hurry, hurry,” screams the teenage girl. The nurse hurries to the hospital room. “What is the situation now?” The contractions are coming so fast and intense. The girl can hardly tolerate it. The pain is excruciating, yet the nurse won’t do anything about it. Can’t she take it out?
After what feels like an eternity of ten minutes, a female doctor enters the room and conducts a pelvic exam. A light-colored sheet is placed on her lap. “She’ll be ready soon; she is almost seven centimeters dilated.”
Then the doctor saunters out of the room, leaving the young girl to lie there with her thoughts. The presiding nurse also exits.
She is alone in an unfamiliar country. The emptiness in her heart must be addressed before it gets bigger. The thoughts come and go as the contractions intensify. This is really difficult. I wish my mom were here. She doesn’t know….what would she say about everything?
Mia feels overwhelmed with all that has happened to her in the last year.
For several months, she has contemplated this decision. Should I consider giving the baby up for adoption, or should I keep the baby and raise it myself as a single mother? She could have chosen to have an abortion. That is what the child’s father wanted her to do. After enduring all the turmoil and painful memories, she found herself in deep contemplation. Did I make the right decision?
The reality is beginning to sink in as she realizes that this is the most difficult thing that she has ever experienced. This should be a joyful moment for a woman who is about to become a mother. “Ouch! Oh my. Please, God, help me!” This one lasts about 35 seconds.
If only she had not gone to the cottage alone with him that night. The moon’s reflection on her face made her more sensuous than ever, and his hands tenderly stroked her cheek as he whispered words of love to her.
She whispered back, “I love you too,” to please him.
The teenager did not want to think about it at that moment. A sudden jolt of pain pulled her from her memories. Can she let go?
She had a promising future ahead of her as a nanny for a Canadian family. Later, she would attend university to pursue her dreams. She had come to this country to care for the most adorable twins. It was on the verge of being ruined forever. Could anything worse have happened?
She cannot even imagine what her life could have been like if she had not allowed herself to get into this predicament. The blood rushes to her head, and her face turns as red as a beet as she grips the sides of her bed. If only she could scream out loud! I am such a bad person. How can I ever be a good mom? God, please forgive me for what I am about to do.
Another contraction. The girl screams, “Take it out… now… take it out!” The pain becomes increasingly unbearable with each contraction. The nurse rushes to her side and takes her hand. After she calms down, the nurse performs the routine checkup and calls the doctor.
The older female doctor enters the room. There is a profound sense of peace and compassion in the doctor’s eyes, allowing her to settle down quickly. Not quite yet. Soon. “Are you going to be okay with your decision?” The doctor inquires, as if offering her another opportunity to reaffirm her decision. “You have had much to contemplate.”
“I’m uncertain, but I have no other options.”
“There are always alternative options, but only you can make the decision.” The doctor exits the room, stating that she will return in a few minutes.
Choices. What choice do I have? The teenager contemplates the new life she is about to witness. She recalls her conversations with Cheyanne at the girls’ home. “I am going to keep my baby, no matter what. I do not want anybody else taking my baby to doctor’s appointments or the playground,” Cheyanne said.
With downcast eyes, the girl nods in agreement. She questions her friend. “So, you can receive sufficient financial support from the government to purchase all the clothes and everything she needs?”
“Yeah, I can always go to Value Village or Salvation Army.”
“What are those? I’ve never heard of such places.”
“Second-hand stores. They’re fantastic; you can find everything from children’s items to furniture for your home.”
With a slight curl of her lip, the girl says, “I just can’t imagine raising a child who has to rely on charity and social assistance. Children need the stability of two parents and enough finances to meet all their needs and even some of their wants.”
Cheyanne raises her hands in agreement for the time being. “Sure, whatever. I sure hope you will never regret your decision.”
Considering herself mature, the teenager cannot stop thinking about parents who create nurturing and peaceful environments for their children, ensuring that they grow up with healthy self-worth. She remembers her father back in Sweden, who always encouraged her to be her best and assured her that she could achieve anything she desired. Success was ingrained in her mind.
And her mother was always there to comfort her when she was hurt or sad.
“It’s coming… the baby is on the way. Come quickly.” The screams can be heard echoing down the hall. The nurse hurriedly enters the room. The girl is quickly rushed to the birthing room. The stark, sterile environment scares her. All the bright lights briefly blind her. Then the labor coach touches her, and the girl’s eyes open. Tears caused by pain streamed down her cheeks. The lady takes his hand and says, “I’m here by your side… you don’t have to be afraid.”
“Push now, push!” She pushes as hard as she could. It feels like she will burst if she doesn’t. This pain is severe, radiating throughout her back and lower abdomen. Then again, here it comes. She could feel the tightness in her face as it cringes creating a deep, narrow furrow across her forehead as she pushes again. This time, it almost does her in! Is this the worst kind of anguish a person can endure? Who said childbirth is a wonderful experience?
“Keep pushing… now.” The doctor carefully supports the head, and slowly the shoulders squeeze through. Here it is. The doctor swiftly examines the baby. All seems okay. Then, the girl hears a faint cry. The doctor lifts the baby for more examination.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” The teenager asks timidly.
“It’s a boy.”
The nurse, while wiping the baby’s body with a wet wipe, confirms that it is a boy. After washing the baby and wrapping him in a soft blanket, the nurse holds the baby close to the young mother.
“Do you wish to hold him?” The new mother has her eyes closed with her hands resting gently on her abdomen. Should she? She forgets physical pain more quickly than emotional one.
The confusing thoughts from the previous day have cluttered her mind.
Can she give up her baby now? How selfish of her to desire a better life for herself without the burden of caring for an infant?
After a brief second glance at the baby, she decides that she will hold him just this once! She gazes into the baby’s eyes for the first time. His eyes are as blue as the sky on a clear day. He even has some hair, which is light brown or almost blonde. Blond eyebrows are barely visible.
“You have the tiniest nose. Do you know how cute your ears are?” And lightly flips at one of them. “Your lips remind me of someone,” the baby gives another cry. As all new mothers do, the girl begins to count the fingers and toes.
As the new mother snuggles the baby close to her heart, she realizes one important thing. She loves this baby, regardless of the circumstances that brought him into this world. She is grateful to God for this life. Then reality hits her. His name will be Matthew Jorgensen. She will give him her surname. Matthew means “gift from God.” She does not want the hospital to refer to him by an obscure name such as “Baby Smith.” He possesses a unique personality and must safeguard the family history, even if he may never know it.
The nurse returns after a few minutes and gently reaches for the bundle in the mother’s arms. No, don’t take him! Had she made the right choice? She must give up the baby now, or she will never be able to go through with it. Then her face crinkles as her heart breaks into frightening sadness.
Before she changes her mind, she hands the baby to the nurse. With warm tears streaming down her cheeks, she whispers, “I had to let you go so that you could have a better life than I could ever provide.”
The nurse gazes at her with questioning eyes. “Are you certain about this?”
The girl nods, resolute despite the ache, “I am more convinced now than ever before.”
She vowed to keep this aspect of her life a secret from everyone except Cheyanne. “I love you and will never stop loving you. Please forgive me. Goodbye Matthew.”
As the nurse walks away, silent ache of goodbye clings to the girl’s heart.
She turns to the window. Raindrops blur the glass.
