What are the 6 marriage killers that sneak into good marriages? Don`t let any of these destroy your marriage relationship. Divorce should not be the answer at the first sign of trouble, but working it out should be a priority. Conflicts and disappointments happen but problems can be solved.
Falling in love creates an emotional high. That’s why we say ‘love is blind’. Apparently this in-love emotional high can last two years at the max. Then what happens? Reality sets in. Once the romance feelings dissipate couples think that they are not in love. One spouse says that he/she has fallen out of love, and divorce happens too quickly.
While waiting in line at the grocery store, my eyes wandered to a headline in a magazine cover that read something like, “It lasted only 58 days”. What`s with this? The sad truth is that the whirlwind relationships are the norm in our society and not the exception. I couldn’t help myself from thinking how that was possible? They hadn’t even fallen in love yet!
What are the marriage killers?
1. Lack of trust
Trust must be earned especially if there has been reason to mistrust, whether during the marriage or from the past. Past behaviours can come back to haunt the present relationship but open communication is the best cure for any trust issues. Trust can happen only if couples are transparent with each other, and allow for mistakes and forgive often.
2. Communication Problems
Honesty that builds up instead of tearing down is the basis for a lasting marriage. If we cannot talk about issues we can’t be free to love unconditionally. Avoiding or hiding things from each other results in distrust which erodes the relationship. The wife may have an easier time to talk about feelings but it’s not an excuse for the husband to avoid expressing his emotions. Or vice versa. To have a healthy marriage, communication must be a two-way street.
How does respect manifest itself between spouses when the going gets tough? During times of stress it’s important to step back and think. Respect each other in private, and show it in public by avoiding put-downs. Wives can fall into the trap of complaining about their husbands with negative overtones. Stop it! Change your negative vocabulary to positive words. Negative words thrown into the air have a way of falling back as a reminder of past mistakes. Stop the blame game.
4. Technology interruptions
Technology can be a killer in fostering closeness between couples. As good as iPhones are they can be a major distraction. Turn the thing off! It can wait….that’s the beauty of these things. Don’t allow for interruptions during your intentional time together. How many times have we seen couples sitting in restaurants with eyes glued to their cell phones? Or the husband with his wandering eyes? It happens too often!
The daily grind…..
Make a choice to enjoy each other’s company during exciting times and during the daily routine. It’s not always rosy, but make it easy to like each other when life seems boring or life’s struggles seem overwhelming. One way is to make a list of things you liked about your spouse when you first found each other.
Family, financial, health, job or church issues can take toll on any marriage. Don’t take offense or take issue on problems that you cannot solve, and get help when needed.
5. Not accepting differences
One may be an extrovert and the other is the introvert so you have to compromise to get along. Extroverts gain energy with being around people while introverts deplete energy when they are around people too long. If this is the case in marriage, then we should understand and respect each other`s personality and live accordingly.
How can two people who come from different backgrounds and/or cultures blend together to create a healthy relationship? A man and a woman become one flesh according to God’s design for marriage. If they are joined together by God`s plan they become one spiritually as well. If you are comfortable, pray together regularly to increase spiritual intimacy.
Acceptance is the key. Also learning about each other’s family history prevents misunderstandings. Trying to change your spouse will not work. (Believe me, I tried it!)
6. Unresolved conflict
What’s the way to a happy and healthy marriage? Avoid all conflict? Not reality! Conflict will be there if the relationship is growing.
(The only way there is no conflict if one spouse goes along with everything and never has a different opinion!)
In our early years of marriage I thought my husband was so good and his decisions were always right that I always agreed with him. I had put him on a pedestal until I realized that we are so different, and it was okay to have my own ideas and share them. The work began when we respected each other’s viewpoints and made decisions together without pressuring the other to conform.
Determine to strengthen your marriage relationship by working on the marriage killers that sneak into good marriages. No marriage is immune to this. Become one of the statistics of long-term marriages that have flourished by encouraging and understanding each other even after 50 or 60 years together. Kill the marriage killers by changing your behaviour.
Nip them in the bud!
What other marriage killers could sneak in? Any advice on marriage?